Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
