Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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