DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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