you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
