either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
