What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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