I want to make a zoo with you.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
