I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
