I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
