So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
