my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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