Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
