I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
