I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
