I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
