very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
