If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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