It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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