you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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