you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I need to align my fucking chakras
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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