Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
