I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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