my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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