It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
