I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
