Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
