If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
