Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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