WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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