It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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