what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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