I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
