So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
