My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
