my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
the room spins SO much faster in panama
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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