i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
