u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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