we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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