you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
