I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
