Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Randomize
