woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
