You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
