Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
