There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She even gives head with a lisp.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
