She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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