I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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