Apparently you make a good broom.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
