my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
