Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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