Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
