Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
