some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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