My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
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